From an Editor's Desk: Description
Beginning writers often create characters who are obvious or
stereotypical, themes that lie along the surface or are openly discussed by the
characters, along with dialogue that is always “on the nose” and never
suggestive.
Effective fiction, on the other hand, is nuanced and
layered. It also, in a sense, haunts the reader with its subtle refrains like a
powerful melody. So how is this accomplished without creating a muddled mess or
a story as naked as a hatchling?
Let’s focus first on details, the mainstay of fiction that
resonates. Details stir a reader’s senses and haunt with their clarity. Yet
details should never be catalogued or listed. Instead, they need to appear
natural, enhancing the story in some way. If the details aren’t adding to the
story, then leave them out.
Remember, too, that description is
static, another reason to insert it sparingly. If you constantly stop your
story to describe sunsets, seashores, interiors, hairstyles, and heartbeats,
your story will likely lose its momentum. Readers are interested in the forward
motion of the story and their eyes veer to dialogue and other places where
action and movement is on the page.
A solution is to put
description in motion or slip it in through a character’s viewpoint. Thus,
insert details via a character’s thoughts, amid action scenes, in the middle of
dialogue, while characters are moving.
Old School, a novel by Tobias Wolff, is told with a kind of aching
subtlety. Dialogue is spare, descriptions pared down to essentials, but still
the story manages to soar, to offer moments when the reader pauses and lingers
over words and scenes because they contain so much yet seem to be written with
so little. It is a story of a boy who is an outsider, attending a small New England prep school on a scholarship in the early
1960s. In a school filled with “book drunk boys,” there are a number of
contests and honors centered on writing and literature. These prizes bring out
the best and worst in the boys and eventually result in disgrace for the
narrator. Here is a brief passage right before his downfall, the story’s major
reversal.
I was glad for the day of grace I’d been given.
After my last class that afternoon I went AWOL across the river and mucked
through freshly ploughed fields to the tallest of the neighboring hills, Mount Winston
as we called it. …
I paced the hilltop, exhausted
but too nervous to sit. In my classes the blood-roar in my head had rendered me
nearly deaf. Most of this was explosive relief and exhilaration, yet with a
thumping underpulse of dread. It was one thing to confide your hidden life to a
piece of paper in an empty room, quite another to have it broadcast.
A warm wind blew across the
hilltop, and with it the faint cries of boys chasing balls. The school lawns
and fields were a rich, unreal green against the muddy brown expanse of
surrounding farmland. Between the wooded banks of the river two shells raced
upstream, oars flashing. The chapel with its tall crenellated bell tower and
streaming pennant looked like an engraving in a child’s book. From this height
it was possible to see into the dream that produced the school, not mere
English-envy but the yearning for a chivalric world apart from the din of
scandal and cheap dispute, the hustles and schemes of modernity itself. As I
recognized this dream I also sensed its futility, but so what? I loved my
school no less for begging gallantly unequal to our appetites—more, if
anything. With still a month to graduation I was already damp with nostalgia. I
stretched out on a slab of rock. The sun in my face and radiant warmth on my
back lulled me to sleep. Then the wind cooled and I woke with a wolfish hunger
and started back.
This passage, which is a transition leading to the action
that follows, creates a moment of significance because it reveals his love for
the school; it shows us the school from a fresh perspective, a hillside; it
reveals the stakes involved; it foreshadows what is to come; and yet lulls the
reader with its pastoral mood so that the events that follow are more
disturbing. And while it is a fairly long descriptive passage, it is not an
inert blob. One technique that keeps this passage from being a static blob is
the active verbs scattered throughout: mucked, paced, blew, chasing, raced,
flashing, yearning, sensed, loved, begging, stretched, lulled, cooled, and
started.
Wolf’s example is a
good reminder to add life to descriptions by writing in the active voice
whenever possible. For example, here is the passive version: There werehundreds of spectators on the lawn. The active voice can be
written: Hundreds ofspectators dotted the lawn. An easy tip
is to avoid using There is, There was, There are, or It was to
begin your sentences because this construction guarantees these sentences will
be passive.
Keep writing, keep dreaming, have heart
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